Welcome to this very special Halloween edition of Friday Fiesta-on a Saturday. It’s the scariest time of the year: ghost stories abound, candy is twice its regular cost, and the word “sexy” is being attached to the most unimaginable things (“Sexy Nemo” should never exist, EVER!). There was once a time when music videos, the once beloved genre that is now marginalized to the very bottom of the YouTube channels, used to be part of this cultural phenomenon. With that in mind, I present to you five videos that would shiver me timbers whenever they came on TV:
Enter Sandman by Metallica
When I was 10 years old, my two biggest fears where demonic possessions and old people. This video combines both! When the close up of that wrinkly old man came on the screen, I felt like there was nothing stopping him from jumping out of the screen and dragging me to the world of nightmares. I realize that he is (was? It’s been a while…) probably some very, nice gentleman who was paid a modest sum to simply stare at a camera but, for all that is sacred, I don’t want him anywhere near me. Because I will throw holy water on him.
The Beautiful People by Marilyn Mansion
This looks like it was filmed in an Austrian torture chamber. Or at a dentist’s office. I want a disclaimer that no human beings were harmed during the filming of this video. By the way, was the rumor that Marilyn Manson was the Wonder Years’ Paul Feifer exclusively a Latin American thing?
Simply Irresistible by Robert Palmer
There is nothing more horrifying, at any age, than thinking of your parents as sexual beings, let alone when you’re 4. Yet that’s what I was forced to confront when Robert Palmer decided to plaster his music videos with women that looked EXACTLY like my mom: the fair porcelain skin, the raven hair, the military precision with which that bun was constructed. It did not help at all that my dad would scream, “Mommies, mommies are on TV!” whenever these videos interrupted my domestic paradise. Why are there clones of my mom? Why are they in skin-tight dresses? Why do they writhe? My eyes, my eyes!!!!!
What has been seen, cannot be unseen.
Jeremy by Pearl Jam
You know what’s really scary? That we live in a time where we would probably welcome a school shooting that simply involved a suicide instead of the massacres that seem to happen on a yearly basis. It is truly terrifying that Pearl Jam’s classic is more prophecy than hypothesis.
Just by Radiohead
The worst fear is the one that’s in your mind.
Happy Halloween, everyone!